The Frontload Toaster

2012 Superbowl Block Pool!

2012-01-23T23:55:00.003-05:00

For the last few years I've been tasked with putting the art on our office Superbowl pool. After a brief self-tutorial on how to draw a tricorne hat, I have completed this year's pool sheet. Check it out, and feel free to use it for your own pool!

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

Our sheet will probably be filled by Wednesday, at which point we pick the score numbers for each row and column out of a hat (or appropriate vessel) and fill 'em in. I have yet to win a dollar on this thing.

Forgot How to Blog

2011-10-29T21:38:00.005-04:00

Hey. 'Amemba me?

I've spent some time away from this space -- mostly due to neglect, but partly because there were a lot of big changes going on around here.

The biggest of these was the loss of my apartment due to financial issues. I ended up moving back home into the newly-finished basement. I have my own apartment down there, really -- it's pretty nice and there's beer. Still, it's not my own place, which is really the goal.

In the meantime I have stopped drawing comics and stopped performing comedy, both recorded and live. The result has been this sort of creative void in which I've been living. Just taking a look back, I was pretty involved at one point -- I was doing Goblins Like These, Crash & Steve with Alvaro Lopez-Moreno aka MC Blackwolf, the now-defunct Two Mustaches, and I was even involved briefly with the live Win Show before I got out of it.

"So, what have you been doing all this time?"
"Hey, that's a good question!"

I guess the primary answer is that I've been preoccupied with work and catching up on the bills, which I've discovered is no great way to live.

Anyway, the key thing I've been leading up to is the main reason I've been keeping away from this: no time for classic gaming.

It's difficult to write about a subject matter in which you're not engrossed, and while I have over twenty years' worth of experience, anecdotes and memories to write from, it just hasn't been on my mind.

I would be remiss if I claimed to be a writer without having written anything, so a return to the keyboard is in order. I plan on repurposing this as a more general blog, but I'll keep the focus where it should be, and hopefully I'll be able to fill this space once again.

Let's see what this sucker can do.

Slash'Em Ascension (Yeo Hum Mal Law)

2009-12-09T19:20:00.006-05:00

I ascended a Yeoman in the wee hours last night on the Slash'Em server @ Pallas! Word!

This is my third ascension, but my first one in Slash'Em, as well as my first on a public server. I started this game nearly six months ago and have been playing it slowly ever since. Fortunately, this time I have a nice dump file, ttyrecs and a place on a public high score list to commemorate the event!

I enjoyed the Yeoman class (enough to ascend one); it's sort of like playing Knight Lite. You don't have the Knight's stringent code of conduct, but you pay for it by having fewer Expert skills available, as well as swapping lance for polearms. But hey, free fishing pole! :)

I don't have a play-by-play, but I do have some highlights:
-After defeating Col. Blood in the Quest and doing the three alignment quests, I managed to stuff a wand of cancellation into my (oH. Goodbye hard-earned inventory, including Sword of Justice, Reaper, Werebane, and an assortment of useful scrolls and potions. Apparently the aligned keys can't be destroyed in a magical bag explosion, though -- they were the only things left afterward!
-I LOST the Key of Law. I tried to use it and realized it wasn't in my inventory! After much more searching than I cared to do, I discovered that I had dropped it on an altar and never picked it up again, mistaking it for some other random tool. Thank goodness I found it -- beats getting blasted by the Key of Neutrality every time I pull it out of my bag!
-I was going to attempt to go without wishing for artifacts due to some lucky generation and sacrifice gifts, but I had wishes to spare, so I splurged on a Wallet of Perseus and a fistful of healthstones for myself. After that, I think the only conduct I had intact was celibacy. It gets lonely in the dungeon...
-I managed to hit a trapdoor on Yeenoghu's level and miss his area entirely, but it's okay because Demogorgon summoned him on the Juiblex level and I had already defeated both of them.
-Speaking of which, the mandatory appearance of Demogorgon is a dirty trick, but I actually had a tougher time with Dispater solely due to the structure of his level.
-The demon princes were really the toughest part of the game. Getting out with the "oY was cake. I'll have to confirm with the ttyrecs, but I think I blew through the four planes in less than 250 turns. It says a lot for being prepared and watching a lot of YASDs on SplatTV -- dawdling in the endgame is often fatal!
-Hit the high altar on the first try! I saw which one Famine was guarding and figured I'd get him out of the way first, and it turned out to be a good guess. Normally I lock myself in the room and expend some wishes to stock the demigod bar, but a monster blew the door off so I just had to get ahead of the pack. I decided to try to blow my remaining zillion wishes on some artifacts to bolster my score. I managed to get Grayswandir on the first try, then tried for Werebane and remembered that I'd destroyed it earlier when a regular saber showed up. I couldn't get lucky after that so I got some fun stuff for the afterlife, generated Sting for a mouthful of points, and headed on up...
'An invisible choir sings, and you are bathed in radiance... The voice of His Majesty booms out: "Congratulations, mortal!"'

For anyone who wants to take a look, the dumplog is available here. This way I don't have to type up the laundry list of artifacts in my inventory and vanquished creatures, though I will note that the Wizard of Yendor showed up 19 times, the rat.

Because This Has Apparently Become My Lame NetHack Blog

2009-11-04T22:53:00.002-05:00

I juuuuuust found out this morning that November is the month in which the annual /dev/null NetHack Tournamen t is held. Against my better judgment, I signed myself up just for a kick; I doubt I'll have enough time to play much but maybe I can ascend a Caveman before the end of November.

At any rate, I also registered our gaming clan, Inferior Force, so if any {if} members are interested in making a showing, lemme know and I'll send you an invite (and totally buy you a t-shirt at the end of the tournament).

Revenge Is A Dish Best Served With Cutlery

2009-06-25T23:18:00.003-04:00

If you check the top scores list on slashem.crash-override.net, you'll see that my last good run on Slash'Em was ended by Shelob.

Check me out now, you eight-legged muphalucka.

Airman Cake

2008-06-13T18:22:00.002-04:00

My friend Ada made me this awesome Airman birthday cake. If only I had some beer cans that looked like E-Tanks...

.nethackrc and you

2008-03-30T12:08:00.003-04:00

After playing NetHack and Slash'Em for a while, I have discovered what many other players have discovered: the helpfulness of having a good .nethackrc file.

.nethackrc is the user config file for NetHack and its many-flavored offspring. Under Windows, the file is called defaults.nh and should be in your NetHack directory. Under *NIX, it's either in your home directory or somewhere else; I found mine in /etc/Nethack. On Mac, it's just called Nethack Defaults.

In this file, you can set a number of options for the game, from what character set the game uses to items you can pick up just by walking over them. Many of these options can be set in-game by typing a capital O, but they will be set back to their defaults when you exit. Anything set in your config file will remain that way when you start the game.

As an example, here's my .nethackrc file from the Slash'Em server on Pallas:

# .nethackrc file for JackOClubs on Pallas
# Borrowed heavily from Kernigh, esp. menucolors
#----------GAME ENVIRONMENT----------
OPTIONS=color,hilite_pet,lit_corridor,menucolors,DECgraphics
OPTIONS=invweight,showdmg,showweight,showexp,showscore,time
OPTIONS=msg_window:f,sortloot=loot,disclose:+i+a+v+g+c
#------------------------------------
#----------CUSTOM ENVIRONMENT----------
OPTIONS=catname:Sylvester,dogname:Ma-Mutt,horsename:Falafel
OPTIONS:boulder:0,fruit:lime,pushweapon
#--------------------------------------
#----------CONTROLS----------
OPTIONS=autodig,!autopickup
#----------------------------
#----------CHARACTER(disabled)----------
#OPTIONS=role:Yeoman,race:Human,gender:male
#---------------------------------------
#----------MENU COLORS----------
MENUCOLOR="[Cc]ursed"=orange&bold&underline
MENUCOLOR="[Uu]ncursed"=yellow
MENUCOLOR="[Bb]lessed"=lightgreen
MENUCOLOR="-[0-9]"=orange
#-------------------------------

Anything after a # is commented out; this is nice if you want to put in labels or have options you don't always want to use, like the character options I have above.

Setting boulders to a character like 0 or 8, simple as it sounds, can actually save a lot of headaches, both in Sokoban and elsewhere in the dungeon. 0 is just a much easier character to see than '.

The menu color options are really nice also; they can help you see, at a glance, if you have blessed/cursed items in your inventory. You could also set them to highlight things like holy water or other potions, certain artifacts, useful tools that you want to be able to find quickly, etc.

WikiHack has a list of all of the options and what they do; they should also be in the NetHack user manual.

NetHack: Second Ascension!

2008-03-15T01:12:00.005-04:00

26 days after ascending once, I do it again. Awesome.

The screenshot is basically my points list. I had a bunch of artifacts (I used the Sceptre of Might for most of the game), a ton of gems and amulets (notice the last one, worth nothing) and a pet skeleton to add to my score.

A few of the other worthwhile items in my bag:
-A tin of Medusa meat
-A tin of Wizard of Yendor meat
-6 of the 9 rings of the Nazgûl
-5 wands of death
-A towel
-A t-shirt that said "Yendorian Military Soldiers Do It In Large Groups" (worn, enchanted to +4)

I was also crowned this time. Basically, all it gives you is another title to display when you ascend, escape or die.

Notable folks slain:
-Asmodeus
-Baalzebub
-Dispater
-Orcus
-Yeenoghu
-Juiblex
-The Wizard of Yendor (8 times)
-Death (thrice)
-Pestilence (twice)
-Famine (twice)
-Medusa
-Croesus
-Tiamat, the Chromatic Dragon
-Vlad the Impaler
-119 soldiers
-10 hobbits

I had a beautifully-stocked icebox for the Demigod Bar once I reached the end, and wouldn't you know I left it on the altar when I ascended. Perhaps someone will come by and enjoy all that booze and pudding I gathered.

Beat My Score: Clu Clu Land

2008-03-01T15:40:00.001-05:00

116,220 points. Let's see you top it.

NetHack: First Ascension

2008-02-16T12:51:00.002-05:00

After about three years of playing NetHack, I finally managed to ascend (finish the game). It is a long, arduous task, and not easy to do. I'm pretty proud of it.

Now, when I play on my laptop running Kubuntu, it dumps my last (usually unsuccessful) game to a text file named "lastgame.txt" upon exiting. However, I ascended on my Windows box, and if it dumped that info, I can't find it. Therefore, I don't have the complete record of my ascension with all the points I was awarded and everything I had on me.

Fortunately, it does save the high scores, as you can see in the above screenshot. The top score is my ascended character.

I do know that Blackjack the orcish rogue was packing the following when he ascended:
-+6 Stormbringer (artifact sword)
-+6 Grayswandir (another artifact sword)
-+5 silver saber (named Suckapunch)
-+1 Werebane (another artifact sword)
-Demonbane (another artifact sword)
-Sting (as in Frodo's weapon from Lord of the Rings)
-+5 gray dragon scale mail (super-strong and magic resistant)
-+5 gauntlets of power (Strength of 25 on a scale of 1-18)
-+5 cloak of displacement (can't hit me!)
-+4 boots of speed (super fast)
-+4 Hawaiian shirt (stylish)
-+4 ring of protection (still can't hit me)
-ring of invisibility (see above comment)
-amulet of reflection (Boing!)
-blessed greased bag of holding (reduces weight of items by 75%)
-the 3 invocation artifacts (Book of the Dead, Candelabrum of Invocation, Bell of Opening)
-Master Key of Thievery (the rogue quest artifact; makes the game a lot easier)
-the Amulet of Yendor (the point of the game; you need this to win)

I also had a fistful of other amulets and a lot of gems (for points), some potions of booze (for fun in the afterlife) and a blessed figurine of a wood nymph (for additional fun in the afterlife). I wished for an icebox at the end (to stock with the booze) but it spawned with a white dragon in it and I couldn't get the thing out.

By the end of the game, I managed to kill Famine and Pestilence three times each, and killed "Rodney" eight times (he is persistent and is not happy that you have his amulet). I took a beating but came out on top and proved it could be done.

It's the kind of awesome that you can only tell your D&D group about without sounding like a lunatic, but I feel accomplished nonetheless.

Bosses From NES Games That I Should Invite To A Dinner Party

2007-07-04T23:52:00.000-04:00

You know, like a boss party.

Tryclyde
Level 1 Boss from Contra
Statues of Twin Sumocho
Kraid
King Egger
Mr. Sandman
Horsehead
Bubbleman
Abobo
The Entire 3rd Level Of Battletoads

Hardware: My Heavily Postponed Generation NEX Review

2006-11-22T00:31:00.000-05:00

Talk about a late-breaking story. Anything that can be said about Messiah's Generation NEX has been said by now. Now that the other shoe has dropped (and I've dragged it for a year or so), here's my two cents.

I pre-ordered the Generation NEX probably a week after it was announced. Honestly, it sounded great at the time. Messiah spun it in a way that made it sound like it was the penultimate replacement for every old and busted NES in every gamer's closet. This is an important factor of my review, and I'll be coming back to it later, so keep it in mind.

Natch, the NEX got pushed back, pushed back, pushed back, which only served to build up the hype. The community could only assume that the product was being refined. Messiah did a Q&A on their website, and I was really happy to see that two out of three of my submitted questions (about the Game Genie and the Four Score) showed up verbatim, and the third was addressed as well. I factored that in with my previous good experiences with Messiah's products AND service, and was very optimistic about the unit. A delay was no problem for me.

Finally, the big day came, and my NEX showed up in the mail. I was psyched, yet disappointed, as I had to go to work right away and would not be able to break it out until I got home.

One very long shift later, I was in the living room, ready to play. I opened the box and was presented with the thing I had waited months for... hmm.

Well, it was certainly cool-looking. No doubt a lot of work went into the design. The thing is slim, with a small profile. The front slot accepts a NES cartridge, while an additional top slot accepts a Famicom cartridge, with no need for an adapter. Excellent. When using the front slot, the whole thing is less than two inches high.

Two standard controller ports are to the right of the NES cart slot. Yes, standard NES ports, waiting to seductively accept your weapon of choice, including any NES gamepad, the Advantage, the Zapper, the damn U-Force, whatev. As a bonus, the ports are properly spaced to accept either the Four Score or the Satellite, neither of which I can use in my other Famiclone without some modification of the unit. Extra nice. I was happy with what I was seeing.

However, I had been hearing rumors about the quality of the unit, that it was powered by a regular cheap NOAC and that the video and audio were on par with every other Famiclone on the market and nowhere near that of the NES. Well, after hooking up the unit, I discovered that the rumors were true. This thing performed no better in either the video or sound departments as the Yobo I had purchased a year before. I think it was the sound that upset me the most; most systems that use a NOAC cause the sounds from many games to play off-timbre tones. This was no different.

The other thing that got under my skin was the compatibility issues, another problem with the NOAC. Obviously, the biggest system-killer here was Castlevania III, a game which was the sole reason many people bought a NEX. It will not play at all. It powers on and displays a blank green screen. Furthermore, many games either worked not at all or incorrectly, even if they were games that I could play on the Yobo without any problems (NOTE: The Yobo has its share of quirks with games, but not nearly this bad).

And now the swimsuit competition:

Mega Man! WHAT HAPPEN?
This is how Mega Man looked on the NEX... extremely glitchy. Every time I jumped this happened. Oddly, there was no glitching when I plugged it into a Game Genie and tried again. Hmm.

NOW S8VING WOUR B8T8.... RCFR8GN FROM RURNGNG NOWCR OFF OR RCSCRRGNG..
This is how the data-save screen in Startropics kept coming up. This was the best I could get it.

Here we have The Legend of Zelda: Abstract Edition. No music, no waterfall, just gray slate glitch screen.

Camerica's Micro Machines gave me a similar glitch screen. I wasn't really expecting this one to work though.

Oddly enough, I did eventually get it to load, and made it to this point before it finally crashed.

Finally, as a stress-test, I put in my old pirate Super Mario Bros. 3 cartridge and proceeded to play through to the end of World 8 and the end credits. It actually handled it like a champ; this particular cartridge is known for overheating and causing graphical glitching, yet I had no problems with it. Chalk one up for the NEX, for once!

After all of this, I felt ripped off, for one reason. When Messiah announced the NEX, they pitched it as being the unit to buy to replace your old NES. Throw that bad boy out the window, Generation NEX is in town. Potential buyers were expecting nigh-perfect compatibility, and I was among their number. What we received was a unit with a few great qualities and a few really awful ones. It certainly wasn't worth the $60 I dropped on it.

I must say this for Messiah's customer service, though - they are really good. They gladly swapped my NEX for a set of wireless controllers which I both use and enjoy.

The breakdown:

PROS:
+Small, lightweight unit
+Great compatibility with NES controllers of all varieties
+Plays Famicom games with no adapter
+Built-in wireless support for Messiah controllers

CONS:
-Somewhat hefty price tag
-Many games either poorly compatible or not at all
-Light weight makes removing games difficult sometimes
-Pack-in controller somewhat flimsy
-Sub-par sound and video

THE BOTTOM LINE:
It's not what we were hoping for. This isn't the revolution in classic gaming; it's a half-hearted attempt at a "next-step." I love Messiah for trying to do their part to revitalize classic gaming, but for the price tag, you're better off buying an old toaster NES.

"Vacation in Eggerland," or, "Some Guy Named Don Mendoza is Trying to Kill Me"

2006-10-03T00:08:00.000-04:00

The change in seasons reminds me of an autumn almost twenty years ago when, one day, my father turned me lose in the video rental store and permitted me to get a game of my choice for the weekend. I strode over to the game section (at that point it was nothing but NES games) and looked for something eye-catching... and came face-to-face with the round blue hero known as Lolo.

Natch, I had to get Adventures of Lolo. I didn't know what I was in store for. At this point I didn't really have much experience with puzzle games, so it was all new to me. Levels that I had to solve! I did admirably well for a six-year-old and had advanced fairly far before I had to return the game. However, I was smitten, and it would set the course for my playing habits for years to come. OK, I'm done waxing philosophical.

Lolo is the eponymous hero of the Adventures of Lolo/Eggerland series, developed by HAL Laboratories. That's the same HAL who created Kirby. Lolo was their most successful and well-known vehicle until Kirby's Game Boy debut (Lolo and Lala often have cameo appearances in the Kirby series). The games don't hinge much on the plot, which is the standard save-the-princess affair. The important thing about Lolo is all the crap you have to get through in order to save said fair maiden.

Each game is divided up into floors/levels, which are then divided up into individual rooms. In order to clear a room, Lolo must collect all of the Heart Framers (read: heart icons) in the room. However, Lolo must navigate all sorts of obstacles, from obstructive terrain to "fearsome" enemies.

Oh yes, the bane of your very existence. There's Snakey, a sluglike serpent who sits there and grins at you, like he knows something about your mother. Then there's Leeper, a hopping green fiend; one touch from him and... he, um, falls asleep. Then there's Alma (finally, a dangerous one!), an armadillo-like creature who pursues Lolo at top speed and tries to flatten him. Rocky is a square, stonelike monster who cannot harm Lolo but can easily trap him with his golemesque bulk. Gol, a sleeping dragon, and Skull, a skull, remain asleep until Lolo collects all of the Heart Framers in a level; when awakened, Skulls will pursue Lolo, while Gols will spit fire at him! Later in the series, a monster named Moby was added; he is a green whalelike creature who can suck Lolo in from across the room! Most of these enemies can be "egged" by firing a magic shot (read: frisbee) at them; while in an egg, they can be pushed around, used to block other monsters, or even dropped in the water and used as boats.

Of course, no Lolo game is complete without the Medusas. Medusa appears as a bust of a woman's head; however, stepping through her line of sight awakens her and is instantly fatal. Don Medusa, on the other hand, appears as a pink impish creature who will move back and forth in a set direction. Crossing his path results in an identical fate. Neither of these monsters are affected by magic shots, so Lolo has to utilize both (A) his limitless guile and (B) crap that they can't see through.

There were two Eggerland titles released for the Famicom Disk System, and another released in cartridge format for the Famicom. Our domestic version of Adventures of Lolo is an amalgamation of levels from these releases, with slightly updated graphics.

The sequels to Adventures of Lolo are little more than level packs; they add little to the series besides a few graphical tweaks, another usable character, one new enemy, and boss fights. Still, after solving all of Adventures of Lolo, I was craving more, so the sequels were just what I needed. Lolo III is especially significant for its length; it boasts an impressive 17 levels, as opposed to the 10 levels that the first and second game have, and many of III's levels contain more stages than those of its predecessors. I've been checking out the Famicom Eggerland title via the wonderful world of emulation - that is, at least until I can get my hands on a genuine copy. Ironically, I own Adventures of Lolo II and III, but not the first one, the one that introduced me to the series.

The only real beef I have about the series is the music. The background music that follows you throughout the game is a very short loop of the same music over and over. More than once I've sat down with this game and ended up putting it on mute and just enjoying the visuals.

If you happen to be in the market for a solid puzzle title, though, I strongly recommend Lolo, as you could probably tell from the above nine paragraphs. The first one is easily available on reputable auction sites like eBay, eHustle, and eJank, and is the cheapest out of the three.

F**k.

2006-09-27T23:49:00.000-04:00

It's not like I haven't been working on this thing - honest I have. I actually have three (three! really!) posts in the queue.

Here's the problem: Because I started working on this again, I've had an overly-renewed interest in my NES, to the point of staking out eBay once again for stuff that I'm missing. (My Adventures of Lolo set is now 67% complete - but that's a story for another post.)

So I set aside a night to work on my next bit, and I try to choose which games I'm going to include. Generally, I play them to help me make my choice. this is where the work ethic goes out the window; two and a half hours later I have nothing to show for my efforts but sore thumbs and a blank text file.

In short, my subject matter is my own worst enemy.

Give It Up For Me

2006-07-17T23:29:00.000-04:00

Oh yeah, just over five months without an update. I am the king of the bloggers. Considering my last post was about how much SNOW was on the ground, I feel like I might be slackin' a little.

Seriously though, I've been pretty busy (moving, getting adjusted, job stress, disc golf, etc.), and until recently haven't had much time to play video games, let alone write about them. However, the NES is forcing its way back into my life, and I couldn't be happier. I had a great run on Duck Hunt the other day (over 300,000... not bad) and for some reason I really feel like playing SMB3 every day. I even found time for a game of Kung Fu this afternoon while waiting for my terminally slow girlfriend to get ready to leave. Shwa.

Hopefully I'll get some good stuff up here in the coming weeks.

Snowshovel Jam

2006-02-12T12:33:00.000-05:00

What do you do when there's eighteen inches of snow outside and your significant other is 30 miles away? You've already shoveled, and the snow is too powdery for a good snowman or snow fort. There's no killer sledding hills to be found, thanks to rural developers. 'Nutes.

It's cool--literally! Why not get the warm drink of your choice (anisette and coffee for me) dust off your NES Advantage and try out one of these chilling wintery games instead:

ICE HOCKEY
This is my favorite sports title on the NES, ever since it was released when I was six. It's especially good with two players. For added fun, mix and match your team! Nothing beats 4 fat guys for sheer muscle power. A blast through and through.

ICE CLIMBER
Another entry by Nintendo. Here, you take control of an Inuit (with a massive ice hammer) who is trying to get to the top of the mountain to gather... um... eggplants. Whatev. Anyway, you gotta dodge birds, snow monsters, and a polar bear in a Speedo while climbing upward through the ice. While the horizontal jumping problems can make this one occasionally frustrating, this is a fun one to pop in and play.

FIRE 'N ICE
This one was released towards the end of the NES's production run. It's a fun puzzler, very much in the vein of Solomon's Key. You control DAna, an adventurer with a wand which he uses to create blocks of ice. Your job is to extinguish all of the flames in the kingdom. The puzzles range from "simple" to "throw the controller into the wall," so there's a little something for everybody. Definitely not a letdown.

SKI OR DIE
This is... okay, I honestly have never played Ski Or Die. All I know is that it's a winter-themed follow-up to the popular Skate Or Die series, complete with our favorite skate shop proprietor Rodney and his boy Lester. I've heard mixed reviews, so I'll check it out for myself. Skate straight!

What are you waiting for? It's either this or hibernation.

Coming To A Windows Environment Near You... A Guy In A Green Skirt

2005-12-03T16:38:00.000-05:00

I recently realized that I am in the middle of three different playthroughs of the original Legend of Zelda: one on my laptop at work (first quest), one on my GBA (second quest), and a third on my PC. The one on the PC is basically a "third quest" that's a pack-in with version 2.10 of the excellent free program, Zelda Classic. It's a stand-alone program that lets you play the 8-bit classic, and it's very true to the original, save the new, original music tracks. It also comes with a quest editing utility; from what I've seen, it gives you a lot of freedom to play with the Zelda engine. If you're into LoZ at all, or if you always wanted to design your own quest, it's worth a look. Sure, the program still has a couple of bugs ("Hey! Where'd my map go?"), but it's still pretty hot.

Did I mention it has excellent gamepad support, as well? Yeah, playing with the keyboard sucks.

And Benzene Is Out Of The Question

2005-10-06T23:48:00.000-04:00

Ugh. Every time somebody says "Dip a Q-Tip in Windex and rub it on the contacts in your NES" or anything similar, I feel like I'm gonna chunder. In fact, the second I see the word 'dip,' I become infuriated, because I know what's coming next. I suddenly start hating the word 'dip.' Urgghhh.

It's bad enough trying to be a purist, going out of the way to get pure isopropanol, just to ensure the life of my system while keeping it clean and in performing condition. I even shun rubbing alcohol unless I absolutely need it, and then the purity has to be in the 90th percentile. I don't wash my car with Windex because you're not supposed to wash a car with Windex. Why, therefore, would I use it on my games?

Good As New

2005-09-18T23:49:00.000-04:00

After I finished watching Smokey and the Bandit this evening I had some free time on my hands, so I decided to take care of a few things. One of the pieces that I received in the event described in the previous post, namely the Zapper, was really disgusting--it had some kinda chunder all over it that I just didn't wanna touch without protection. This also gave me a chance to clean out one of my newest acquisitions (and the next review piece I plan on doing), the Joycard Sansui SSS.

The interior of the Zapper had some pretty nasty gunk also, especially around the trigger, so I took the whole housing apart and cleaned it out pretty well. Blecch. It came out pretty nice, though.

Here are the results. Notice the number of abrasions on the Joycard's outer shell. It looks like its previous owner really put it through its paces, yet it still performs like a champ. I'll get to that later, though...

USB-PC-NES-ness and A Brief Look at Shatterhand

2005-09-14T00:49:00.000-04:00

My girlfriend got me one of the NES Four Scores with the Retrokit installed. This means that I can now use any of my NES controllers to play games on my PC. (Insert played-out Power Glove joke here.) This is not only good for NES games, but pretty much anything else that doesn't need more than 2 buttons (well, 4, really). SMS games + NES controller = really quite nice.

Anyfruits, I decided to test everything out with Shatterhand, a NES title that I've found to be largely forgotten, and unjustly so. It's one of the later-release action platformers, in the same vein as Ninja Gaiden, Vice: Project Doom, and Kabuki Quantum Fighter. The premise is thus: You're a 80's-style futuristic-looking dude with steel hands and a kickin' vest (oh yeah, I think I've found my Halloween costume for this year). Because of your bionic hands, you can wail on just about anything with your fists and not feel a thing. This is good, because most of the enemies are robots and are made of metal anyway. You also get to punch other stuff, like walls, small crates, and huge fuel tanks that explode once punctured. Shwa!

Natch, the powerups are some of the coolest things in this game. You can turbo-charge your attacks with a certain powerup that both makes you punch twice as hard and turns your vest from neon green to lobstah-back red. Stylin'! You also pick up icons with Greek letters throughout the game; picking up any three will net you a tiny, flying robot helper with some bizarre weapon, ranging from swords to plasma balls to monster yo-yos. They're all useful, though I found that Yoyobot's ability is one of the best.

The bosses are pretty much the standard giant bionic warriors that you'd expect to see in a game of this caliber. They generally follow pretty simple patterns. One of the problems I found with them (and the small robot helpers share this problem) is that there's no life bar to see how long they have left. Instead, they follow the "I'm-flashing-red-so-I'll-die-soon" rule. I didn't care as much at the bosses, but sometimes I really wanted to know how much energy my robot had left. I'm sure you've all had that problem.

Another nice feature of Shatterhand is that destroyed enemies don't respawn. Often I would blow up an enemy, run off the screen to collect some money he dropped, and then be afraid to run back because I expected him to be there, waiting for me again. Not a problem here. Another interesting tidbit I found is that when you die (and I did, several times), you go flying. This isn't that neat by itself, but once in the ice level I got shot while in midair and went flying really far, then hit the ice and slid even further. That made it worthwhile, though it was soured a bit by the fact that after you die, it takes forever for the game to leave the scene and bump you to your next life.

Like action? Like robots? Like neon vests? Give Shatterhand a try.

One Man's Trash Is Another Man's FREE NES!!!

2005-08-27T01:00:00.000-04:00

Upon returning home from work today, my brother presented me with something he discovered in the trash near where he works:

1 NES System
4 Controllers
1 Zapper
1 NES Manual
Adventures of Tom Sawyer w/box & manual
Ghostbusters II w/box & manual
Snake's Revenge
Platoon
Faxanadu
Double Dribble
Legend of Zelda
Jordan Vs. Bird
Track & Field II
Magic Johnson's Fast Break
Super Spike V'Ball
SMB/Duck Hunt x 2
... and 1 AmTrak schedule.

Apparently there were 2 NES consoles and some other games, but the remainder went to the other dude who found the stuff with him. Still, not bad for f***in' FREE. Excuse me while I lose myself in Faxanadu for a month or so.

You Never Miss It Until It's Gone

2005-08-24T23:40:00.000-04:00

Recently, to the delight of my co-workers, I installed MAME on our pathetic office computer. Donkey Kong was specifically requested by one fellow employee, and for myself, I brought along Mr. Do! (which they all seem to enjoy a lot) and several titles from the Pac-Man series, including a vintage gem which was released to the world at about the same time I was, and which holds a special place in my heart: Super Pac-Man.

I love this game in particular because I used to own one of the cabinets. Around the time I was eight or nine years old it arrived at our house to take its place among Mr. Do! and Donkey Kong, and was greeted with open arms by this Pac-Fan. Many late nights were spent in the garage playing in my own miniature arcade. The glow of the marquees! The smell of the machines! The fact that they were all set on free play! This was my Xanadu, my Shangri-La. However, if one who has found Shangri-La ever leaves...

I took it for granted. I got a little tired of the same three games after a while, as anyone would. They found a home in our basement, where they still received attention, only... a little less. Eventually, I was the only one who would play, and even then, there were long stretches, often several weeks, between games. My father eventually decided that he would get rid of the two stand-up cabinets, without consulting with me first. I was powerless. I had lost Super Pac-Man, and I didn't even have a chance to say goodbye.

It sounds like I never touched the thing, but that's not at all true. I did play it a lot... and it made me good. When I was hot, I was HOT. 100,000 points was a bad run for me. At my peak, I was able to push past the 16th screen, though my memory is fuzzy past that. Still, I recall breaking 300,000 points fairly well. I was HOT.

After playing at work and clearing 100k while playing with a keyboard (which does not afford optimum control), I checked the high scores for Super Pac-Man on Twin Galaxies. Some of the ones there are higher than my best, but some are lower, by over 100,000 points! WHY NOT ME?! Why am I unable to take my place in the hall of heroes, the greatest Super Pac-Man players of all time?

I will join them someday, when I have been reunited with Super Pac-Man, thus ending my separation anxiety. Until that day, I will gnaw on tennis balls, hoping that I shall become a giant, like my hero... the round one.

Taking Control: Turbo Touch 360

2005-08-05T23:09:00.000-04:00

For once, I'm back in the swing. Seriously. I got hooked up with a Flickr account and took some pictures. They're not great pictures, though, so I'm gonna try again and post them later. Until then, however, I'm finally ready to post my long-overdue review of... well, anything.

TURBO TOUCH 360 by Triax

I recall the commercials for this bad boy pretty vividly. The Turbo Touch 360 (TT360) was supposed to be worlds better than all the other controllers on the market, and Triax was pushing their product pretty hard. Their main innovation: replacing the traditional directional pad with a touchpad, not unlike the ones you'd find on iPods and other crap like that today. They developed three separate models of the TT360: one for the NES, one for the SNES, and one for the Genesis, which, appropriately, comes in Sega black.

Since it came out in the heyday of the Genesis and SNES, I never actually saw one for the NES until I popped into a Gamestop some time ago. I've managed to pick up two of them total, but I didn't really sit down and play with the thing until recently. Here's what I found:

Design / Ergonomics:

The TT360 is large, a good deal larger than the standard NES controller; it's about the size of a standard Genesis pad. It's also shaped similar to a Genesis pad. It's pretty comfortable to hold for a long period of time, although if you have really small hands, you might not like it too much, or may have problems reaching the buttons.

Directional Pad:

The D-Pad is what sets the TT360 apart from other controllers, and was also Triax's biggest selling point. It's definitely very responsive. You don't even have to press on it; it's all contact. One of the nicest things about the D-Pad is that it has true diagonals (ex: if you press UP/RIGHT, it signals both up and right at the same time). This is a nice feature for games like Contra, where diagonal shooting is a big help. There are ridges on the control pad so you know where you're pressing--lines for the cardinal directions, raised dots for the diagonals. It's also sunk into the controller about an eighth of an inch, with a raised ridge running around the outside. Because you operate it with your left thumb, sometimes it makes pressing left kind of awkward or uncomfortable. Being a touchpad, of course, any accidental touch can set your character running off in the wrong direction or throw you off a cliff.

The D-Pad responds well to games with all types of controls, stiff or loose. I had some problems with it while playing Kung Fu; sometimes my character would suddenly duck or change directions when i moved my thumb slightly, and it caused me to have to hold the D-Pad awkwardly to stop the problem. There is a neutral zone in the center of the pad for when you don't want to use it, but you'd be better off removing your thumb altogether so that there's no accidental pressing, which is also awkward and uncomfortable. Still, not having to apply any pressure is pretty nice; it just takes a lot of getting used to. In short, the super-sensitive D-Pad is both a blessing and a curse.

I had the most success with games where you're generally moving in only 2 directions, left or right. Although it works well with the 8-directional movement, sometimes I'd have a little trouble getting my ship to move in Gradius, or accidentally fly into a rock while trying to avoid shots when I normally would have missed said rock. How disconcerting.

Buttons / Turbo:

By themselves, the buttons are great. Every single one of them has a nice press. If you push the button, you KNOW you pushed the button. Working with more than one button, I found a few problems. Because of their size, shape, and placement, I found that the A and B buttons tended to stick occasionally when trying to hold one and press the other. In games like Super Mario Bros. or the later Mega Man games, where you'll often find yourself holding one of the buttons for an extended period of time, it can get frustrating. This problem didn't really occur with the turbo buttons, since they're smaller and rounder. The turbo itself is pretty standard, and is comparable to the turbo on the NES Max. Still, it's nice to have.

The Start and Select buttons are placed strangely; instead of placing them horizontally like EVERYBODY ELSE does, Start is now above Select. This caused me some problems trying when I'd go for Start and hit Select accidentally. Fortunately, not a lot of games rely too much on either button, but it could be crucial if you're playing, say, Punch-Out!!

Cord / Plug:

Not as disappointing as some other controllers I've seen, but not spectacular either. The cord measures up at a so-so 6 feet in length, over a foot and a half shorter than the stock NES controller cable. The plug feels kind of cheap, but has a nice snug fit that's not overly tight on insertion or removal. Could have been better, but could have been much worse.

So let's bring it together with the Pros & Cons:

PROS:
+ Sensitive D-Pad
+ Ergonomic
+ Good size for most adults
+ Large, responsive buttons
+ Plug not overly tight

CONS:
- Sensitive D-Pad
- May be overly large for some people
- Buttons can stick
- Start & Select in weird positions
- Cord could be longer

FINAL SCORE: 8 out of 10
When it comes down to it, this is a really good controller. Triax had a good thing going when they developed this. I'm sure a bit more refinement could have made it better, but there's not too much to improve on.

The Slump and Gradius Ponderings

2005-07-29T00:40:00.000-04:00

The biggest problem with my hobby is that, every once in a while, I kinda fall out of it for a bit. It sorta goes with any of my hobbies; the advantage is that, because of this nature, they end up cycling, and I always have something fresh to entertain me.

A recent trip revealed to me that I have to return my Messiah wireless NES controller due to a small defect. Once I get the repaired/replaced model, I'll get to work on a review. I schweah.

Today I was takng a shower and thinking about games that had one sequel in Japan and a different one in the States. Secret of Mana came to mind... we got Secret of Evermore and they got something else. Naturally, Super Mario Bros. is on the list, since we got Mario 2 and they got... um... Mario 2. Then I thought of Gradius, and how we got Life Force instead of a proper sequel (not that there was anything wrong with Life Force, and it's not like it wasn't a Gradius game... you're just in a giant snake the whole time). Then I got to thinking, "Wait, do I even own a copy of Gradius?" I wondered this for about a half-hour, then, after a quick search of my NES library, discovered that I do, indeed, own a copy of Gradius.

This led to the further question of, "When the heck did I buy this?"

The advantage of this hobby is that sometimes games are so cheap, they're forgettable. Now that's a nice surprise.

A Look At What's NEX

2005-06-29T11:10:00.000-04:00

I know I've been gushing about Messiah. They put their Generation NEX FAQ up recently, and it looks like it's going to be a winner. What's better, two of the questions I sent them appear verbatim in their FAQ (the Game Genie and Satellite questions), and my third one was also answered (about the top slot in the system). Naturally, I've already pre-ordered one because I'm a monster tool.

New Toys and Old Friends

2005-06-19T15:18:00.000-04:00

Sometime either later today or tomorrow I'm receiving one of the Messiah wireless NES controllers. Just looking at it I want to drool all over its printed circuit boards and RF transmitter. I know it's going to be nice, unlike some of the knockoff controllers I've been playing around with over the past week or two.

I e-mailed Messiah about their upcoming third-party NES console, the Generation NEX. They tell me that all of my questions will be answered in their upcoming FAQ. I can't wait. I know I'm going to order one anyway, but I wanna know what they have in store. I'm such a tool.

I guess I'm looking forward to several things (A Feast For Crows notwithstanding). I'm going to be getting my arcade machine back sometime soon, and, with the help of a tech-oriented friend, plan on dropping a new monitor into it and getting it up and running. Oh yeah, it will be nice. Mr. Do! will once again have his day in the sun.

I'd also love to get a Pac-Man machine sometime before the end of the summer, in celebration of our round yellow savior's 25th year in the States. Oh man, that would be schwanky.

Slower Than Simon Belmont

2005-05-22T00:43:00.000-04:00

I know one or two people have been "reminding" me to update (read: death threats), but coming home from college has thrown everything into a shambles. Anyway, I'll have some new ~~garbage~~ material up soon. A glimpse at what's coming:

-A eulogy for my poor departed Game Genie
-A re-review of the FC Game Console controller
-More peripheral reviews, which is really why I started this mess in the first place
-Pictures! Once I get out the camera and find a good spot to shoot, I'll try to include them when possible.
-The Care And Cleaning Of Your NES Controller
-Naughty pictures of Princess Toadstool
-So much more! (read: ran out of clever things to say)

Mario Madness: Wario Hacks and SMB2 Game Funnies

2005-05-05T17:02:00.000-04:00

An interesting hack of Super Mario Bros. 2 came across my desk the other day, which gave me a reason to throw up a blog post (ha ha, it's funny that I said "throw up," because I equate these posts with vomit). Seems that somebody decided to do a graphical/level hack entitled Super Wario Bros. 2.

The title screen is the first indication of a decent job. All the sprites are changed, and they even wrote a new story. The character select screen features Wario (hacked Mario sprite, in Mario's spot), ~~the Peculiar Purple Pieman of Porcupine Peak~~ Waluigi (hacked Luigi sprite, in Luigi's spot), Mario (in Toad's spot), and Luigi (in the Princess's spot).

Jumping into the game, I discovered it wasn't just a quick graphical hack. The levels have been edited to be HARD, rather hard indeed. Example: After coming through the first door, the first enemy you encounter is Mouser, the World 1 boss. At the end of World 1, you get to fight TWO of him. Wild.

The graphics on our heroes/anti-heroes aren't the only things that were changed. Mario and Luigi control about the same as they did before, and Wario and Waluigi have different attributes. It seems the programmer took Mario and Toad's best attributes and combined them to make Wario, then made it so he skids a whole lot when he lands or stops. Waluigi loses speed but has monster jumping power, and even has a short, Princess-style hover, which can be activated in the middle of a jump or at the peak.

I noticed two problems with the game. There was some minor graphical glitching when I was using Waluigi--namely, a white spot appearing in the middle of his head while carrying an item. This wasn't too distracting. The other was the ridiculous amount of slowdown that I saw; the addition of lots of enemies can often bring the game to a crawl, and fighting two Mousers on a screen full of flying, flashing bombs didn't help much either.

Those problems aside, this is probably one of the best hacks I've seen in a while; If you're into the Mario thing and want a challenge, look for Super Wario Bros. 2. You'll be frustratedly pleased. Myself, I always wanted to see Wario give Fryguy the business. Up his face, yo!

Since I had a taste for Mario 2, I fired up the console in my bedroom and threw in the original, chose Toad and got to work. While I was playing, I I managed to discover all sorts of glitches that I didn't remember ever seeing before...

-I managed to get the Princess stuck in the middle of a pipe somehow.
-I glitched one of the plants so that you couldn't pull it up.
-Probably the weirdest thing was in one of the sand-digging levels in World 2. I was descending through the sand with a Starman, and, as it ran out, a Shyguy half a screen below me just DIED. He just up and fell off the screen. Maybe his 8-Bits benefit package got cut, or maybe he was one of the unlucky few that Wart had to lay off to pay for all the extra Snifits and Tryclyde's schizophrenia counseling. Poor little dude.

SMS With A Side Of Light Phaser

2005-04-28T01:17:00.000-04:00

Our friend Scott had never seen a Sega Master System, so the other night we decided to get it out and show it to him. This was mostly spawned after playing Fantasy Zone on the NES and talking about how much better the SMS version was.

Anyway, after some brief setup, the SMS was fully operational. Not counting the two games built into the console, I own four cartridges for this puppy. We played three of them:

1. Astro Warrior - an excellent "shmup" shooter game. Solid control, excellent powerups and huge bosses. Need I say more?
2. Fantasy Zone - like an acid trip in a cartridge. Incredibly colorful side-scrolling shooter, though pretty difficult.
3. Double Dragon - Despite its problems, this is one of the best Double Dragon ports out there. This game brings back many fond memories of beating up Green Abobo.

Once we made it through the carts (ironically, Time Soldiers got skipped because we didn't have time to play it) we decided to check out the only lightgun game that I've ever played for the SMS, Safari Hunt. Think Duck Hunt, only with a lot more targets, some of which take multiple hits or move very quickly. This would be a great game except for a few inherent problems with the SMS lightgun, the Light Phaser:

-Grip is terribly non-ergonomic and uncomfortable due to its nearly 90 degree angle to the gun's barrel
-Rear sights are too close together, rendering poor sight picture

These traits, coupled with the much slighter trigger pull that the Light Phaser has compared to Nintendo's Zapper, are what keep me from getting more lightgun games for the SMS. I just don't like the peripheral as much. The Zapper just feels so much more natural. Once everybody left I had to break out Duck Hunt just to reaffirm to myself that I wasn't a poor shot by any means.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not knocking the SMS. If I didn't love the thing I wouldn't have bought one. Who knows, maybe my eyes/hands were tired. I'll have to give the Light Phaser another chance... time to start looking into titles. Maybe I can pick up Wonder Boy III cheap while I'm at it...

Ratings Jam: Neo Fami/FC Game Console (plus Bonus: The Amityville Frontloader)

2005-04-26T00:54:00.000-04:00

Since I mostly started this "weblog" because I wanted to do peripheral reviews, I figured I'd start with my most recent acquisition: The FC Game Console, which is the "USA Version" of a pirate system called the Neo Fami. (This is gonna be a long one, so I'll put the condensed version at the end.)

Just pulling it out of the box, I can tell that it's not just a typical NESClone. The thing is tiny--about the size of four standard CD jewel cases stacked together. It's a top-loading unit, and the slot is pretty tight; in fact, sometimes I have a lot of trouble getting the games out. The power and reset switches are toward the front of the unit, and the power switch lights up with a sweet blue LED. Two standard NES controller ports are in the front, as well; due to the unit's tiny size, they're sidways, whcih keeps me from using the NES Satellite without some fancy wirin'.

The AC jack and AV out are in the back of the unit, and that leads me to both my first big plus and my first big minus. The video out is EXCELLENT, much better than what I expected. Why couldn't Nintendo put nice video on their toploading NES instead of the worst RF out ever? The colors are clean and crisp. The audio out, however, leaves something to be desired. The sound does not emulate properly; some of the sound channels are spot-on, but others are way off-pitch. This is particularly noticeable in Super Mario Bros, which was the first game I tested in the system.

The second real problem with the machine is compatibility. All of my licensed NES games work properly with the FCGC (although certain games, like Kung Fu, took like a million re-inserts and adjustments before they'd work). A few unlicensed games didn't work, but others worked fine. Example: Gauntlet, in the black engen cartridge, was unplayable, but Pac-Mania worked better on the FCGC than it does on my NES. The same with my Camerica gold-cartridge games; Micro Machines was a garbled mess, but Dizzy the Adventurer worked wonderfully.

Of course, I had to try out some pirate cartridges on this thing. Super Mario Bros. 3 was so bad that I couldn't even get past the title screen. Rockman 2, however, played just fine, no stability issues or anything. My Super Mario Bros. 2j cart also works perfectly, albeit with the same sound oddities as regular Super Mario Bros.

The FC (why do my abbreviations keep getting shorter?) comes packed with 2 controllers. they're standard pirate controller fare, except they feature both turbo for A and B and slo-mo buttons. Granted, it's the crappy push-pause-really-fast slo-mo which I've found only really works with Q*Bert, but hey, it's there. The controllers have a pretty cheap feel to them, also standard pirate fare, but they work just fine in both the FC and my regular NES.

I ventured to get the classic Famicom-colored unit (red/white), which comes with matching controllers. The unit is also available in indigo/blue or, for an extra couple bucks, chrome. Pretty swanky. It's made by Gametech, but the logo on the unit says Yobo, and it's sold in the US by Gamesoft. I decided that the best stress-test for the unit would be to take it out to one of our weekend get-togethers, where Zapper games are the toast of the town. We discovered that the Zapper works great, and after extended periods of time the unit generated very little heat.

So, to sum it up:

PROS:
+Very portable
+Works with any NES controller, including Zapper
+Very clean video output
+Cool design

CONS:
-Flawed sound output
-Incompatibility issues
-Very finicky cartridge slot
-Cheap feel

The Bottom Line: If you're going to buy one of these, buy it for the novelty. Working NES units are not hard to find, and with proper maintenance they'll last a long time. Still, the FC Game Console is a pretty cool conversation piece, and you can always whip it out of you cargo pocket at a party: "Hoo-wah! Nintendo!"

BONUS LEVEL!!!
At lunch today, discussion about a particular cartoon from Ill Will Press sparked this conversation:

Drew: Hey, look what I got from that internet auction site.
Kevin: What is it?
Drew: It's a front-loading NES from that haunted house in Amityville. Amityville!
Kevin: You bought a haunted Nintendo?
Drew: Watch, this is cool, you put in regular old Super Mario Bros. and...

48 seconds later

Kevin: Duck Hunt? How did you end up with Duck Hunt?
Drew: No one knows! What’s even cooler is when you put in Duck Hunt, you get Hogan's Alley, and when you put in Hogan's Alley you get a gold Zelda cart!
Kevin: Bull$#!+.
Drew: Oh yeah? Fine. It just so happens I have Hogan's Alley right here.

56 seconds later

Kevin: Whoa!
Drew: See? Legend of Zelda.
Kevin: That's freaky. What happens if you put Low G Man in there?
Drew: Good question!

6,798 seconds later

Kevin: Is... is that a Famicom Disk System disk?
Drew: Oh man, what a jip. I was hoping it'd be one of those Game Genies.
Kevin: Ooh, try Friday the 13th!
Drew: Eh, you know, the auction description said not to use Friday the 13th.
Kevin: Why?
Drew: I dunno, something about getting back Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu hand or something. Eh yeah, don't fuck around with it.

987 seconds later

Kevin: Whoa, it's Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu.
Drew: What did I say about using Friday the 13th?!?

Drew: The Amityville toaster, make gaming spooky, spooky talk from toaster, spooky play me game, yum yum yum, Master Chu.

Blue Wizard Is In Deep $#!+

2005-04-25T01:57:00.000-04:00

Since classic gaming is one of the few topics on which I seem to have an opinion, I made the mistake of starting this accursed weblog, just like all the other tools I know. Enough of that, though--let's talk Gauntlet.

Yesterday, after a fiasco involving a Tengen Gauntlet cartridge and an FC Game Console where the very laws of physics were meaningless, we decided to set up a four-way game of Gauntlet II on the NES in the living room. Lemme tell you how more 4-player games should have been released for the NES. (Incidentally, a multi-adaptor called the Four-Play would have been equally awesome.)

After playing Gauntlet for ten minutes, I started to wonder why I never played it before. It's just a good group game. We were in the middle of a Quake III Arena-centric gamefest at the time, so players would be popping in and out, handing off controllers as they went. It was so fine.

One dumb technical flaw: After plugging 4 controllers into the NES Satellite, we discovered that the game was barely playable; the movement was excessively choppy, and the person using the NES Advantage could barely move. I switched out the controller, thinking (errantly, I might add) that the Advantage was drawing a lot of voltage or something. In reality, the problem was that somebody had pressed in the slow-motion button on the Advantage without my knowledge, causing the game to have seizures. Talk about garbageous.

So, final word on Gauntlet II: as the old Game Boy F-1 Race commercial said, "Round up your posse and check it out." Other than people pushing you into walls, it can't be beat.

Anyway, the next post will be my review of the aforementioned FC Game Console: console, controllers, and ~~cream cheese~~.